Imposterism vs Passion
Delving deep into the imposter syndrome battle that many of us commonly experience, when it comes to pursuing the things we love, how does our passion make a difference in how we perceive ourselves?
Our brain is the greatest multitool we will ever access.
A personalised Swiss Army knife of possibilities right at the tips of our fingers, or rather the brow of our skulls.
However, it can simultaneously function as our very own internal arch-nemesis to our internal drive, especially for those of us with real psych in our pursuits.
As of late I’ve had the wonderful opportunity to chat through work (alongside a generous slice of outdoor play) with a spectrum of incredible people, and found that one of the most enlightening things to do is simply listen to them divulge freely about their life passions. It’s apparent that almost instantaneously you can feel the paradigm shift in energy towards a more meaningful connection when asking someone the question
“What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?”
First on the scene arrives a slight hesitancy to open up; a verging reluctance in exposing what's actually of pretty high personal importance to someone who we might have just met. But as soon as we ask more genuine questions of interest and an initial breakthrough is made, the conversation often glides on a profoundly emotional level.
“I'm actually really into skateboarding.. astronomy,...windsurfing, free diving, climbing..”
The list lengthens, and it becomes effortlessly transparent as to why they find their particular activity captivating and brilliant, as we as listeners lean further into the enthusiasm. It's strikingly intriguing how the different outcomes we receive from altering the emphasis of the question even very slightly.
I was asked recently in a room of strangers to “introduce myself” and the most daunting of all;
“What do you do?”
This is the point where our acutely wired brain and its multitude of tools tend to jam itself, or rather depersonalize from the rest of us, abandoning the idea that we are whole individuals and instead presenting who we are from a third-person perspective.
“Well, I'm sort of a..”, and “I’m slightly...”
Are often the disjointed outcomes we tend to hear along with the seeping sense of imposter syndrome which so many of us at some point commonly experience.
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Contextualizing this a little, earlier in 2023 I was stoked to attend the 2022 Women in Adventure film screening amidst the Sheffield Adventure Film Festival where I received the judge's special mention award for the production of my short film “Ladylike”.
I was given the opportunity to expand briefly to the audience about the importance of platforms to facilitate the introduction of young women into mountaineering and courage to continue challenging the gender divide within outdoor pursuits.
I felt pretty privileged to follow this up with a terrific skills workshop facilitated by the BMC and some of the extremely inspirational other entrants, as I found myself immersed in such a wide variety of athletes and creatives sharing their projects and the source of their flow.
Before this I had never really encountered the thought of adorning myself the title of a “filmmaker”; it seemed too professional, too curated and far too perfect for what I would deem myself worthy of compared to the likes of what I look to for inspiration.
But, as the other workshop attendees and I got to know each other a little better within the circle of those around the table, we were asked to introduce ourselves with a few words explaining what had brought us there, and what we were aiming to gain from the session.
Having listened to a plethora of photographers, mountaineers, writers, ultra-runners, scientists and artists disclose what made them tick, I felt wholly immersed in respectful awe, so much so that when it came around to say a few words about myself, it felt rather like I was swimming in a sea that I shouldn’t be in.
My introduction was topped off quickly with the dismal selection of words
“I’m sort of a filmmaker”
which led to me being quickly halted in my tracks by one of the women who sat beside me.
“No you ARE a filmmaker, say it!”
She reinforced to me firmly with a smile. I smiled thankfully back at this with an essence of comical relief and repeated what she had said, leaving us as a group laughing over the common thought process which we all seemed to share when it came to declaring ourselves with a label.
What causes these immense feelings of half-being which we experience though? And at what point do we make the shift from someone who likes doing the activity, to a do(er) of the activity?
Someone who profoundly finds enjoyment from making art to an Artist, an avid player of the violin to a violinist, someone who feels the most fulfilment from climbing to a climber?
A good exploration of the imposter syndrome paradox is a TED Talk by Drs. Lisa and Richard Orbé-Austin, a short discussion which delves deeper into the impaired ability to recognise or accept our achievements and the fraudulent feelings that often adjoin this. They make the valid point that to become a "doer" of something, is usually because we actively schedule and make time for our desired activity within our lives, as a priority over many other forms of pass-time.
As a quantitative measure, this seems pretty logical; you wouldn’t call yourself a paraglider if you didn’t actively go paragliding on a regular basis, but contrastingly comes the measurement of ourselves on a qualitative or rather more personal level.
To give another perspective, a quote which encapsulates this well derives from the 1930 published novel: “Mountaineering” by T.A.H. Peacocke, a small volume, though published nearly a century ago, gives a beautiful insight into the deeper mental capacity which we have when defining ourselves.
“What is a true mountaineer?” It is someone who loves mountains and longs to be within them, climbing their flanks and ridges, gazing on their summits from below as well as from above. Someone who desires to see mountains in all their moods. Someone to whom climbing is the breath of life.”
Out of all the beautiful pieces of Peacocke’s message, I find the most relatable part to be the reference to our "breath of life”, and how this remains the ultimatum of purpose which in other terms can be interpreted as passion in the purest possible form. Because really, without passion for what we chose to pursue, how can we truly call ourselves a "doer" of the activity?
Those of us who are lucky enough to encounter this feeling might describe it as our “motivation” or “drive”, but I would go as far to say that it's rooted deeper within us than this, and it boils down to the burning sense of emotion which we experience.
In an exceedingly overpowering sense, what makes us feel the most emotionally alive and present is typically what we are most drawn to, whether it be pain, joy or pure focus, what excites and captivates us isn’t random, but is rather connected to our purpose.
Rounding back a moment to the most basic level of how we spend our chosen time, and a reminder which I’m thankful to have reinforced to me by a good friend; if we don’t enjoy the journey or find emotional fulfillment in the process of what we are aspiring to become or achieve, how are we ever expected to enjoy the very outcome itself?
If we relate this to what we label ourselves as it isn’t often typical that our chosen activities are something which we don’t find at least some feeling of great joy in and hence answers our question that to become a "doer" or something, surely it's our passion for it that matters above all else?
It wouldn’t be fair to discard the immense power which self-confidence plays in how we go about the portrayal of this to others when it comes to defining ourselves though. Being certain of who we are, and what we define ourselves as can be one of the hardest psychological storms to weather, especially in fields where others have been in the game longer as expert players.
It goes without a doubt, however, that for a hardcore "doer" of something, the all-important passion ingredient walks hand in hand with effort, action and perpetual education. Without one of these four pillars, we become increasingly more isolated from what makes us tick, and whether or not we are self-aware of when one aspect is lacking can be the make or break of us losing touch with what makes us feel alive.
If we ask anyone who is committed to their passion, the honest truth is that the majority of what has been inputted is raw hard work. Not so much of an ugly truth but rather a humbling one, as "doers" we can be fairly sure that if we enjoy the effort which we are putting into what we pursue, that we carry an almost emotional duty to carry on; it’s where our passion lies.
Adding to a basket of mental challenges, the need to prove ourselves is made increasingly ever-present from day one in society. In our intrinsic survival of the fittest regime, we are taught to be tested, to compare and compete to become the best version of ourselves - an evolutionary trait that’s hard set into our DNA whether we like it or not.
This undoubtedly has positive consequences, such as a very select pool of those in society becoming neurosurgeons, or anyone standing as a specialist in their field. The downfall occurs when we encounter negative comparison which comes hand in hand with the feeling of
“not being good enough”.
Like we’re “out of place”, which we carry as a burden, leaving us with the feeling of being fake or fraudulent in some way. It's worth keeping in mind, although the all-important confidence that we crave and need is paramount to our progression.
It's unrealistic to expect to be constantly self-assured, and actually if we're not being challenged and let down from time to time, we're not developing.
This isn’t to say however, that we’re not worthy of declaring ourselves as "doers" of what we enjoy or that we are in any way “faking” our way through life and our pursuits, just because we’re learning as part of the process. Fantastically, there won’t ever be any shame in admitting what we don’t know and what we would like to, especially to those who we might compare ourselves to who may be more experienced.
The more we help and share with others, the better off we’ll all become.
For so many of us, this metaphorical barrier of proving and comparing ourselves to others often prevents the progression of our very own pathway. But, the overwhelmingly beautiful thing to remember is that passion strips that away from us, and actually if we're happy and excitedly enjoying the process, we're on the right track.
Although our brain likes to sometimes convince us that our multitool selection isn’t as shiny or sharp as others around us, it's worth keeping in mind,
what we have and what we are is enough.
If you really have a passion for something, the chances are that you’ll take action along with the effort to learn and develop it into something better,
something which you deem worthy of what a doer does.Because despite everything telling you that you’re not, the strong likelihood is,
you already are one.